It’s been over a year, and that’s entirely too long. So, old friends, I owe you an explanation.
I stopped blogging because I was fragile. Through a lot of my freshman year, blogging was a way of being vulnerable while validating myself and overall making myself feel better in the face of new and scary territory (and the insecurities that came with that). But then one of my closest friends made an off-handed comment about how my blogs gave off a sense of security, which I interpreted as an accusation about me and my ego. And instead of defending myself and my intentions, I became silent, paralyzed by fear of how others would see me (what else is new).
But then a couple of weeks ago, that same friend asked me why I stopped blogging. I laughed, but quickly realized that the previous accusation was completely my own invention, a manifestation of my insecurity. So here I am. And a lot of things have changed.
But first things first, I have to get this off my chest: I know nothing. I don’t want to pretend to know anything or be able to offer any advice. Everything I say here is just a product of my experiences... as is basically everything anyone says ever.
Now. That said, here’s a short list of things that are different about me and my life.
I have shorter hair now. And new glasses.
I’m a junior (whattt how did that happen??), and am starting to make plans for life after my undergrad.
I had the best summer of my life last summer, working as a camp counselor at TN Governors’ School for the Arts, and as an intern at iTheatrics Summer Academy in NYC (and I literally had a different adventure every day... more on that in a later blog post).
I just finished music directing a show at UR’s International Theatre Program, Gone Missing.
I am music director of my UR a cappella group, After Hours, where I have found my closest friends.
I am now only pursuing one degree in composition, but I am managing my priorities much better and am overall much happier with my choice of degree program.
I took my dad’s banjo to school and although I’m hesitant to say I can play the instrument, I’m working on it slowly but surely.
I’m spending a lot less time in the analytical headspace I practically lived in my freshman year, which is both good and bad. I am living a lot more of my life in the present, with very little time for reflection, which has admittedly made me a little more shallow, but also much less prone to follow the trains of thought involving my perceived inferiority. So that’s good.
At this point, I’m realizing that not as much has changed as I thought, although I feel like a completely different person. And that’s how time works. I guess. I’m looking forward to re-adopting my blog, as a means to combat my recent lack of reflection, because I’ve missed it A TON. So on that note, be on the lookout for more to come, and have a wonderful day :)